Kiss me I’m Sober

💚☘️ KISS me I’m SOBER💚☘️

In my first two years of recovery I went through a lot of emotions and being angry at Alcohol was one of them and any type of holiday associated with it. Totes normal if you feel some rage towards it. It has/had/did/still destroy so many of our lives but we also continued/continue to destroy our lives by continuing the cycle.

After grieving the life I once had and waking up to my new normal I did see that I could no longer be a judgmental prick towards it.

We live in a booze filled culture and it’s our job to figure out how we are going to live in it. From restaurants, gas stations, t-shirts at Target being marketed towards young women to the stuff sitting in cabinets at our homes..it’s everywhere.

I went back to bartending to get out of my miserable 9-5 and start pursuing my entrepreneurial dream. Also going back for me meant not FEARING alcohol. It’s in my hands 4 days a week and I don’t ever have a moment of wanting to use. Different strokes for different folks. Many people told me to not go back cause it would trigger me. Many people told me never to drink an NA beer cause it would trigger me but it hasn’t.

It’s on you to decide what you can and can’t handle.

Not everyone has drinking problems, many have healthy relationships with booze and some like to rep swag from alcohol companies when given to them(thank you miller lite for the glasses and my new Fannie pack that i will be repping on my shifts) I am a sober bartender and I see ALL of it but it’s not on me to pass judgment on others and assume just because they are drinking or like to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day means they have a raging problem because I did.

You feel?!?

Super Soul Sober Sunday feels coming at ya hot!

Xoxo,

CMA

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I am enough.

Being a child of the eighties, I grew up with the constant media telling and showing you that the Super model look is what you should strive for, Crawford, Campbell, McPherson, Schiffer and then rolling into the nineties with the heroin sheik look.

Well I fell into that trap of believing that’s what it took to feel beautiful, loved and enough. As someone who has always struggled with weight issues since I was a little girl, I did gain a huge complex. At one point of time in my early twenties, I would work out an hour a day and eat one meal a day because I thought that’s what it took to feel pretty, loved and good enough at a cool 120 pounds.

Now I say at 36 years old, fuck you to the media and instilling all those years of what pretty should be(which they still do to this day) but I know better now because I’ve put work into myself and to gain my own independence of what “pretty” means. For me, 150 pounds eating 3 huge meals(clean Whole Foods)a day with my snack, having baby abs starting to pop out, being mentally strong and gaining upper body strength is HOT AF and I will cat walk all the way downstairs listening to some FREEDOM by George Michael to eat my oatmeal, apple and yogurt with some honey on all of it.

Here is what the media never told us growing up.. you will never look like Cindy Crawford because you are not her. You are you and that is the most precious gift of ALL. You have your own make up and there is no duplicating that into another person. Own it and stop comparing cause that shit is a thief.

My #wcw goes to all the girls out there who have felt like this and have struggled with weight their entire lives and never felt good enough because you didn’t weigh 115 pounds.

Xoxo,

CMA

Recovery is not a one size fits all!

Lets support one another in the recovery community rather then letting each other know what the best way to recover is. For some support groups work, for some therapy works, for some more holistic practices work, for some online groups work and the list goes on.

It’s 2019 and the best thing about the time we currently live in, is that there are so many options for support and HELP! Which is amazing. Something that works for you doesn’t work for others which is OK, people should be listening to each other rather than inserting opinions.

Be open minded and understanding that this journey is not a one size fits all. It’s on that person to walk their own path and figure out what works for them.

Instead of telling people they aren’t going to make it sober because they didn’t do(fill in the blanks) How about we say, “awesome job on your recovery and man that is badass that you are 5, 100, 500 days sober!” We all need support and someone to be our cheerleader, be that for someone not a dictator of their recovery.

2,374 days strong because I walked my own path of using and being open minded to all different type of tools in the recovery world.

Xoxo,

CMA

Dear Booze,

Dear Booze,

I love you but I HAD to let you go.

You were my best friend for a decade, we did and saw so much together. This relationship once was so light hearted and fun but soon turned into the darkness. Leaving me empty promises and a cycle I just could not let go of because I couldn’t let you go. You had me at first sip, every single time.

You have caused me much grief in my life and I just can’t have this toxic love affair anymore. I wake up heart broken with a world of shame and guilt that takes over my soul leaving me with thoughts and feelings of wanting to die. I don’t understand why when I feel like this after having many nights together. I always come back, doesn’t matter how bad you were to me. When will I learn? I need to walk away, I have tried over and over again to change the dynamics of this relationship but I always come back to this same place. You are beyond intoxicating with a hint of glamour and I hate that you have this pull on me. Under your influence I become so mean and a person I don’t recognize. In many cases I don’t remember because your influence has put me into functioning blackouts. Blacking out and you go hand and hand for me. I can’t stop once you have entered my body and I don’t want to. Do you make others feel this way? The relationship we have had has put me into so many harmful, unsafe situations. I have woken up in beds not knowing what the persons name was lying next to me, woken up in Hospitals, woken up in jails, driven my car not remembering the next day how I got home, I have tried harming myself under your spell, enjoyed drugs like cocaine and crack because you made it seem like it was ok. You have even made me feel like absolute death when hangovers that lasted for 3 days because I just couldn’t get enough of your love.

Many never said anything about the harm you do because you are EVERYWHERE, TV, cinema, daytime talk shows, magazines, celebrities get paid by you to make you look even cooler, you have even made your way into families leaving little girls and boys neglected because you always came first.

Why are you such a hero to others when you do so much harm?!?

We celebrate with you, we mourn with you and we make you a hobby. You kill, you cause problems, you eventually take people down to the bottom where they have nowhere else to go but up. That’s what you did for me. After my final 1,000th rock bottom with you, it was time to let you go.

I was so tired of trying to make this relationship work with you. It wasn’t fun and intoxicating anymore. It was painful, excruciating, exhausting and you were eventually going to kill me.

I will not entirely blame you because still at the end of the day, I kept choosing to come back to you. It’s time now to choose me.

My universal world stepped in on August 18th, 2012 and that was it. Our relationship we had almost cost me it all and two very important souls in my life. I was ready. My being was ready to live a life without you. There was no more visitations once to twice a week, It was time to cut you off for good. There was no more ways of moderating our love affair, I learned it was all or nothing but choosing all of you left me with nothing.

Choosing me over you was the best gift I have ever given myself, so thank you for the toxic love affair we once had.

We will never meet again,

Courtney Andersen

My Infertility Journey!

LISTEN HERE

Episode 13 of our @realalignedwomen podcast is out today and we talk all about my Infertility journey. This episode is near and dear to my heart, I get Real and Raw with this one. For those of you who are struggling in silence. Don’t. It’s to much to go through alone. I went through all the stages of grief with this and have finally come to a place of peace and 2018 was my year for that. There was one blog I wrote years back describing my journey and mentally I have come along way since then.  Hope you enjoy!

XOXO,

CMA

COURTNEY13

Financial Recovery

When I got sober all my problems didn’t just stop, the act of quitting drinking was easier then dealing with all the emotions I buried deep.  I legit had to start adulting and dealing.  In my recovery I developed a little spending problem..oh my! Where there is one addiction, don’t be surprised if two more pop up. 

For sure shopping became my way to feel better.  Having a bad day, good day, emotional day  I would shop!!  It became the norm for the first two years of my recovery.  Which now I am happy to have gone through it because I learned. 

Fast Forward to the last year and a half, I have really been focusing on changing my relationship around with money and been working on Dave Ramsey, Baby steps.  I’ve gotten myself out of some debt following these steps and have felt more in control of all my money and finances.  I share this with you because you could be sitting there drowning in debt and have no clue of where to start. 


The weeks episode of the  Real Aligned Women Podcast we talk about FINANCIAL RECOVERY!  Linda breaks it down, talking about the chaos of money, how money is energy and recognizing money triggers.  She also suggests where to start if you are looking to take control of your own finances.  I share more of my story about money, from a car repo to bankruptcy.

Hope you enjoy!

Xoxoxo,

CMA

Quit Drinking Before the Rock Bottom

It is Tuesday so I have to share this Transformation..

For me the biggest transformation I have had in my life was the day I chose to stop the madness and cycle of addiction.  I could of continued of course BUT I finally listened to my soul which it was telling me at 24 to stop. 

I didn’t listen, obvi. I went thru 1,000 rock bottoms and it was finally time when I lost my cat for the second time and my then boyfriend was telling me “you can continue drinking but I’m not sticking around to continue this ride with you.”

So at 29, I said I was done and that was my final rock bottom.

Are you wondering, do you need a rock bottom to quit drinking? 

The answer is simply, NO! 

You sure don’t you can stop before shit gets worse. 

My friend Lori Massicot and Real Aligned Women partner sat down recently and discussed all of this on her podcast To 50 and Beyond!  We get real here.

At one point I had to say this is all coming from a place of love because I’m so passionate about this topic.

Hope you enjoy!

Quit Before the Rock Bottom

Xoxo,

CMA

Health is Wealth!

Healthy Body Tips!

Do you ever feel like you don’t know where to start with the whole wellness avenue? You have a pretty good idea but feels overwhelming? I did to when I first started on this path over 5 years ago. Remember guys I ate my feelings that first year of recovery. Once I got that foundation down, I then proceeded to move forward with my overall health, fitness and nutrition. Here is a list I put together for you to help narrow it down. Don’t feel like you have to do all in one day, take it a day at a time. All these tips will also help you feel mentally better!

Here are 31 things you can do right now to make your life healthier..

1) Sleep 8 hours a night
2) Drink a shot of apple cider vinegar each day
3) Take 10 deep breaths in and out
4) Cut out soda, juice, sugar-sweetened drinks, diet soda
5) Stop eating at 7-8ishpm
6) Eat veggies for breakfast(spinach is great in an omelet)
7) Do 3 planks and hold them as long as possible
8. Increase your omega 3 fatty acids (fish oil, flax seed oil)
9) Drink lots of water
10) Stand up and walk around every 30-45 minutes
11) Stay away from people who bring you down
12) Surround yourself with people who make you happy
13) Drink peppermint, chamomile or lemon balm tea after dinner
14) Avoid words like “I can’t” “I don’t like” and “This sucks”
15) Do at least 3 high intensity intervals a day
16) Avoid caffeine after 10am
17) Curb holiday treats indulgences to once a week
18) Take a chance and try something you’ve never done before
19) Workout SMARTER, not LONGER
20) Don’t feel guilty about doing something nice for yourself
21) Remind yourself daily that NOTHING tastes as good as healthy feels
22) Eat when you’re hungry and not when you’re bored
23) Move your body in all directions, not just in a straight line
24) Increase healthy fats, like avocado, butter, eggs, nuts, seeds and coconut
25) Read the ingredients on the label
26) Call an old friend to say hello
27) Give someone a compliment today
28) Let go of mistakes and learn from them; they happen to us all
29) Eat slowly and in a relaxed environment
30) Do not compare your life to someone else’s highlight reel
31) Make a daily list of what you want to accomplish, then do it.
Hope this helps you out if you have been needing some guidance in this area. I don’t do them all in one day but for sure practice them in my overall wellness.

XOXO,

CMA

Sober New Years Eve!

My first sober New Years Eve circa 2012 and only about 4.5 months into my recovery. That first year was was hard AF and I mean AS FUCK!

This picture came up on my memories and it instantly took me back to that night and those feels. I ate my feelings that evening, was ridden with anxiety, had FOMO, was sad I wasn’t drunk(yep), cried but also had a moment of clarity at dinner where I thought man this isn’t so bad and this is going to just be my new normal, life without dirty martinis and blackouts. I was a mess that evening cause NYE is one of my favorite holidays and I had to grieve how I once spent it doing the same thing for 10 years. Grieve it.. cry, yell, laugh, be angry! It’s a healthy process and one you must do, to let it go and embrace the new life that is at your door step.

I’m grateful for these memories cause it really makes you see how far you have come mentally.

It doesn’t matter what day it is, everyday is the perfect day to say NO to the cycle of addiction and start living the life you are meant to live. If you are struggling today, reach out! I’m here and totally get all the crazy feels.

Happy New Year! 2019 is going to be a time.

Xoxox,

CMA

I would of been Bridezilla..

I got married 3 years and 2-ish months Sober and this day was amazing and more.

I always hear women say their wedding was the best day of their life. Mine wasn’t(god bless brides who love this shit but wedding planning and all that went with it made my right eye twitch for months) I mean, it was an amazing day and weekend in Savannah and I’m thrilled to be Mrs. Andersen! However, the best day of my life was the day I finally said enough was enough to the madness of my cycle of addiction with alcohol..8•18•12

I had many people ask me if I was going to toast with champagne at my wedding to you know, celebrate! Toasting with a cola or a mocktail works just as well.

I had to keep reminding them of what would happen to me if I did drink.. I lose it all and would define the word BRIDEZILLA!! That is what many don’t understand, drinking is a fucking death sentence to people who are alcoholics. So one sip leads to a downward spiral of shame, numbness, isolation, guilt, fucked up behavior, blackouts, sleeping with people you have zero clue who their names are, waking up in jail, waking up in a hospital bed and the list goes on!

Why must we always celebrate with alcohol?? That is the fucked up way we are programmed to think because the booze is in our society and here to stay. I’ve made peace with that but have you accepted the fact that alcohol destroys people’s lives just as much as it helps?? Again, this is for people who have problems with alcohol not those who don’t. I don’t judge people who drink cause that is not my place but why do I get more questions asked of why I don’t drink?

Just changing the conversation y’all one post at a time.

I just really love this picture, that dress, those flowers, that day, that town, the people who made the day possible, our family, our friends and those CLEAR, VIVID memories that will live on forever in my mind and heart.

Don’t ever give up for any occasion!!

Xoxo,

CMA