Podcast

A few weeks ago I totally stepped outside of my comfort zone and was asked by my sweet friend Lori to be on her podcast!! She is the cats meow and I just adore her. We met thru the Instagram recovery world and I’m so happy our worlds collided cause she is the best. Link is below! Wanted to share on my blog for those who follow here but not on my social media. Would love to hear your feedback.

Podcast Tuesday! How I LOVE this girl. If you don’t know Courtney, she is the founder of @sober.vibes and she is a recovery champion! In this episode we talk health and fitness, the night and event that happened to lead Courtney to getting sober, how she feels about her her coaching business and personal development, #the5secondrule, ending emotional eating, paying off debt, @daveramsey, and reality t.v. Courtney is honest, open, and shares her story in the most authentic way to help others and to let us all know #wearenotalone. I’m proud of her and SO thankful for her friendship and suppprt over the past few years. Thank you for listening & if you do please tag @sober.vibes and share the episode. #podcast #to50andbeyond #soberlife

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/to-50-beyond-wellness-self-help-coach-lifestyle/id1345136168?mt=2

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Sober in Mexico

Sober in Mexico!

I had some anxiety doing this trip solo, as in not having my husband with me or a sober pal. Last time i was in Mexico I had all the tequila and mind erasers in the world. I didn’t know how sober Mexico would look with just me being around people who did part take in drinking. Not everyone who drinks has a problem and I made a decision 2 years into my recovery I wasn’t going to FEAR alcohol anymore. Yes, tons of uncomfortable feelings pushing thru a fear but it has to be done if you want the life you had imagined for yourself. Traveling for me is on top of that list. If i continue to fear booze, my circle and life would be very, very small. I want to see and live the world and alcohol is everywhere. There is no escaping it. I’m grateful for the friends in my life who do participate in drinking that always make sure I’m comfortable and ok! Love the ladies I’m with on this trip and appreciate the vibes

Again, you have to be ready with whatever situation you push yourself thru but let me tell you once you do it’s the most empowering thing ever!! Sober me is having a time here btw…. Sober As Fuck since 8/18/12

Xoxo,

CMA

Throwback

This is what my active addiction looked liked.

When people tell you drugs and alcohol aren’t cool, believe them. Lots of cocaine and heavy nightly drinking during these years of my active addiction. I thought I was cool but I actually wasn’t. The best part about this picture is in fact around this time of my life I knew in the pit of my soul that one day I would be sober, I knew it was the alcohol that lead me to drugs and this depressing, lonely, chaotic, shameful life i was living. I knew I didn’t want to keep on this ride anymore but at the time I didn’t know how to get off. It would only take about another 4-5 years later of having a 100th rock bottom for me finally to say fucking enough already. Thank the universe I did, I won’t say I wish i did it early because things happen how they are suppose to. But I will say I am a lucky one to have escaped what addiction ultimately does to a person and that is death. It’s not dramatic, it’s true. Addiction is life or death! I wake up every day and choose life, it was a hard fight for the first few years but you slowly ease into the life you should be living because trust when I say, no one deserves to live in addiction. With choosing recovery the door of opportunities opened to me for life, love, friendships, business and just the world. It can for you too, I promise but you have to stick with it even on the days you feel like you can’t breathe.

Recovering out loud since 8/18/12 If you need help and are ready, reach out!!

Xoxo,

CMA

Keep Fighting!

Would I like to go back to this young lady in the picture below and tell her to stop drinking at this time before it all got so dark. Of course but going back wouldn’t have changed a thing.

I wouldn’t have listened and most likely told myself to “fuck off and that I was, followed by I’m not hurting anyone” which was not the case. I hurt family, friends, opportunities but most of all I hurt myself in my active addiction. That’s something you truly don’t see until you have some clarity. Clarity is a hell of a drug!! I wouldn’t change a thing and chose a life of recovery at the time I WAS suppose to. I was ready, my soul was ready for the big scary life of the unknown…My unknown was a life without alcohol. If

you are struggling and your ready take the step of choosing a sober life today. Its not easy, some days are HARD AF(I just had one on Friday, 5.5 years in) but man oh man it’s worth it! Keep fighting the good fight to any who are struggling in recovery, it truly is the fight of your life!

Xoxo,

CMA

2,000 Days!

2,000 days since I had my last drink..who would of thought??

I don’t ever count days anymore but think about how many day’s that is?!?! Is wild!! I knew in my soul there would be a day I was going to live a life without alcohol. I just didn’t know, when or how I was going to get there. I eventually did get to that point and on that day on 8/18/12 I finally chose a different route then the one I was on for the previous decade. Has Recovery been easy..absolutely not! Some days it’s the pits but other days your like Fuck yes, I own this shit… I see you Recovery and I got this!! It won’t be easy, it will not be perfect, you may(you for sure will and that’s ok) eat a lot of sugar those first few years and question everything but I promise you it’s all worth it.

Sobriety has brought me peace within my self and a life I’m beyond grateful for because I make the daily choice to wake up another day sober.

Xoxo,

CMA

Monday

How many of you always said, “I will start fresh on Monday” after a complete shit show of drinking/using?!??

I did for years. It was always Monday I will start this new change of behavior with my drinking. I won’t take shots anymore, I will only drink wine, NO more cocaine, Absolutely no more Jager/Jameson/Grand Marnier, I won’t be mean to people anymore when hammered, if I can just get thru this hangover and not die god I will quit drinking?!?!? I’m sure there are a few of you that have been down this road or said these exacts words. Well today is Monday and on this Monday you have the power to STOP the madness. Just know that stopping the insanity does consist of putting the bottle or the drugs down completely. There is no in between for us alcoholics and addicts. There just isn’t, so stop telling yourself you can control it. You can’t. I can’t. We can’t. Our brains are not programmed that way. It’s ok to be powerless over something, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human. I’m powerless over alcohol and I am at peace with it.

Took some time to get here but it does for all. Maybe this is the final Monday for you?!?

Xoxox,

CMA

Powerless.

I have whiskey in my left hand and a rolled up dollar bill in my right. In front of me on a wooden coffee table are broken up lines of blow, ready for me.  Soberity is not for me anymore, I take the Jameson to my lips and tip the shot glass back and its over. The light switch has been turned on and I can my addiction come to life.  THe whiskey is burning the back of my throat and I feel it warm my bones, I have missed that feeling.  After taking a few shots I then indulge into the cocaine that patiently awaits for me.  I am back to a familiar crew of friends and It’s like the last 5 years of sobriety never happened.  I’m right back to the life of FUN and giving ZERO soulless FUCKS.  I feel free and liberated but in the midst of my high, the realization of what i have just done comes into play. The anxiety sets in, my heart beats faster and I start to sweat. What have I done is on repeat in my head, like a broken record but I go in for another line. I’m going to lose it all, lose all I have worked so hard on in these sober years.. my self-love, my true authentic self, my husband, family, friends, business.. all of it gone for a moment of what I think will bring me bliss.  My right nostril is burning so bad from the cocaine, the drip in the back of my throat is very aggressive and I just want it to stop.  My addiction keeps telling me more, do more, drink more, feel less, drink more, more, more, MORE! The invitation back to this life has always been there but it was finally me who RSVP. I said YES to this party. MY last line of cocaine is done and as I bring my head up after sniffing it up I look up to see my friend look very concerned and say to me ” Courtney, what have you done?’

I wake up in a pool of sweat and sheer panic.  I realize it was just a dream but my nostril is burning and its like I could feel what happened in my dream.  In early recovery I had these using dreams all the time but as the years go by they become few in far between or when I’m going thru times of stress and change. Addiction never leaves, it’s in us for the rest of our lives. Some days it’s a fight and some are so easy.  The one thing I have learned and understood thru this process is it’s all a choice whether you want to use or not. Even in my dreams, using is ALWAYS THE WRONG ANSWER.  I instantly feel regret, shame and guilt which is the constant feeling I had in active addction.  I know if I would to take that first sip of booze it be me going down the rabbit hole because I am powerless over alcohol.

Keep fighting the good fight because your life is worth it.

XOXO,

CMA

Truth!

True Story…. YOU WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER IN SOBRIETY!!! Recovery is scary AF and a lot of things in your life will change but it’s all for the better. Your life will not be the same once you make the choice to give up something that was holding you back for so long. We are suppose to grow as humans not stay the same for the rest of our lives. You will lose friends, relationships and that old self but you gain such a beautiful life and gain your true self in the process. Let go, surrender and let your life path take its course!!💜💥✌🏻🦋🚫🥃

35

Waking up HANGOVER FREE after my birthday for the 5th year in a row!! Feels sooooooooooo good not to feel like an ashamed shit bag! Yes, birthdays are different now BUT for the better. Instead of my intentions of getting as drunk as possible because that’s what I thought fun was and the only way to celebrate your birth. They are now spent with some people I care about most in this precious world with a lot of laughs and quality time. Along with some spa pampering!! It’s totally OK to spend your birthday sipping sparkling water, the world will not end. Looking forward to embracing 3️⃣5️⃣ and enjoying the ride..One Day At A Time!! 🚫🥃💜🙌🏻🎉

Throwback

Throwback to living in a world of shame, hate, anger, loneliness, self sabotage and a Mindset of thinking I didn’t deserve any good in my world. Funny thing is..I put myself in that state. I was the one who continued to drink and create a very delusional world for myself. That’s right, I DID it all to myself..addiction is a powerful disease. There is life after addiction and a very good one y’all, you have the choice to start today and my wish for the people who are suffering in addiction is that you choose LIFE because that’s what addiction comes down to..life or death! Recovery is POSSIBLE. 💜✌🏻🦋🌿🚫🥃