Motivation or Mindset?

I have often been asked and the last 4 years from people, “how do you stay motivated with your sobriety?” The answer is easy, I don’t want to die!! TRUTH. It may seem a little dramatic to some but its all TRUE. That’s how I look at what would happen to me if I went back to drinking. If I were to relapse it would end in death, maybe not that day but I would down the road. That is where my life was going for many years before I said, “I’m done!” You have to understand something about addict’s, we don’t know how to stop. When I go out in life it’s going to be like Rose in the Titanic all warm and cozy in her bed dreaming of DiCaprio. The sauce will not take me out, NO THANK YOU! Over doses or people drinking themselves to death happen daily just not many talk about it. I know that one sip of something would put be back down that rabbit hole of awfulness…is that a word?? The hole of despair, shame, loneliness, desperation and death.

Since becoming sober there is something I have done and that is waking up every day, recite in my head what I’m a grateful for and then say it again. In this morning reflection, my sobriety is always included because without it, I would not be where I am at today. I wouldn’t be married, running my own business, have the relationships I do with friends and family in my life or even writing this blog. On Sundays I also take some time of reflection to remember my days in my active addiction and all the shitty things I have done to others and most of all myself. When you sit in reflection and remember all the god awful things you did, do you want to go back there??? F to the NOOOOOOOOOO!!! I mean what is so fun about waking up in jail or the hospital and not knowing how you got there?? This has happened to me numerous times and not my finest moments in life. Now a days my finest moments in life are living in the gratitude of sobriety and just being in life.

I totally understand how hard the fight is and still have to fight urges present day but we have choices and we must remember that. In those urges I have to change my mindset around and think of my old life. If you want your life to change, you have the power in you to change it you just have to start and GO. You fall off, pick yourself up dust those boots or wedges off and start again. But learn from your falls and reflect on them. Any person in recovery will tell you that the journey isn’t easy, you have to put in the work. Whether that be AA, NA, Therapy, journaling, some online groups or my personal favorite self help books! You must do the work and yes some of it is hard to get thru but once you do it feels pretty good and it so freeing. For me it’s going to be a lifetime or work and I’m totally cool putting that work in because I’m not looking backwards. I will never forget the day I had to make some mends with some important people in my life, I cried(like ugly cry, hard to get the words out type of cry) while telling them how sorry I was for missing some of their important life events. Type of moments you don’t get a redo at. It was hard cause I had to except what I did and own it and guess what? They excepted my apology and we have better relationships now then we ever did when I was drinking. After that day the heavy burden I carried around for so many years was gone. It was liberating.

It’s going to take work, dedication and some days your going to have to fight the good fight to get thru it but it gets easier!! For the days or even hours your addiction is talking to you cause it does. Sounds crazy, right?? BUT it’s true!! Always remember the life you had up until your rock bottom and then remember it again. Really, really REMEMBER that feeling of where you once were. I look at my decade long stent of drinking as the pits. Yes, did I have some amazing fun times having drinks, of course but they were few and far between. I guess you can say my MINDSET is the one that keeps me motivated in my sobriety!



Sober Pals

Hey world!!

It feels good to be back and at my creative outlet. I really had to take a step back from this for a minute. When my good pal passed away just two days before Thanksgiving, I went into grief mode followed by the Holidays. I tried writing tips of how to stay on a sober path during the Holiday season but I just faced such a “creative block!” I sat one night for 3 hours trying to get it all out and my mind was taking me into 25 different directions, so I just stopped. I mean at one point I got mad and I didn’t want to hate what I have started to love doing. You know what I mean? I was having a block and there was no sense of fighting it and writing something I just wasn’t into.

I do miss my friend, and think it is important to have some sober friends in your life. Him and I were sober pals and always there for one another. We had that connection of we get it, I hate to say “brotherhood” cause it sounds so Sons of Anarchy(worst series ending of all time) but it is true! Same thing for women, it’s a sisterhood. You forever are connected with people who understand the power of addiction. How it can bring you down, lift you up, make your world delusional AF, ruin jobs, ruin relationships and fuck up everything in between… But for some reason you still continue to drink??? Until one day rock bottom smacks you silly. WE ALL GET IT! The souls in this community understand how hard it can be to even take it one day at a time, some days we have to take it minutes at a time. Many addicts are extremely intelligent its unreal, in a good way! So much to learn from one another. As selfish as this disease is the amount of love in the recovery world is just awesome. We know some days are easier and some days are harder, people relapse, people die, people have dry drunk tendencies(I for sure have and you can totally catch yourself doing it) but we all get it. It’s such a “me battle” but we all get the battle. This of course is not a community we wish to be in, it is just where our lives have lead us to.

My pal was always there for me know matter what and we both knew what picking up one drink would do to our lives. I use to ask him if he missed drinking and the answer was always, “NEVER KID, I have to much to lose and its just not worth it” I dug deep over these past few weeks and took his positivity and strength to keep carrying on sober. He did it in his fight against cancer so I can continue to do so in my own life. Forever grateful for my friendship with my dear sweet sober friend.

If you are newly sober and on your journey in the recovery world it is so important to have a support system around you. Having sober pals around and people who get it will help you so much!! There is a huge network out there, from social media, treatment centers, support groups.. sober pals are all around. You just have to show up or reach out and I guarantee one of us will be there for you.