In the past few weeks I have upping my gratitude vibration which I had lost for the past few months. I have always been a person who lived in gratitude but when I got sober it was taken to a whole other level of appreciation. I guess when you have had 1,000 chances at life and you finally see that with clear sober eyes.. shit gets real and you don’t take for granted what you have in the present. Sometimes, you have to keep gut checking yourself in life and refocus. It’s very easy to get caught up in the what have not’s and I’ve been dealing with that on this journey of infertility issues. I remember in my first weeks of sobriety, I went to a meeting and sat at the table and listened to people say how much “time they had sober” I remember thinking I wanted that, I wanted to be a year, five years, ten years, etc., etc. After my 90 days came my attitude shifted because that is when I started to wake up and realize, “whoa man, I just nailed 90 days and fuck yes to me for beating my own demon!!” I had to stop comparing to others and be grateful for another day of sobriety and another day of life because this was MY journey. We all have our own ride in life and this I know, no ones ride is the same!!
Below is what I shared in my Fertility group and I wanted to share here because it goes along with the theme of this blog.
“Saturday I got my lady cycle and I have got to say I was surprised due to it being a week early. Maybe the moon fucked it up, who knows. However I was not disappointed because we had stopped trying this past month since our next step with a new fertility doctor is coming in the near future. We had to take a step back and just be. It was taking over our lives and driving us both nuts. It felt nice not having this consume our lives these past few weeks.
Whether kids happen or not for matt and I, I am so grateful that we… have each other! We built our relationship on the love we have for one another not on the fact that kids are everything in life. I’m learning thru this process like so much in life that nothing is guaranteed or PROMISED to us in life. So if it is just him and I for the rest of our lives with a shit ton of Fur Babies then that is what is already mapped out for us. We can’t change that!
We aren’t giving up by any means. But man for anyone who knows about going thru infertility issues knows how much it consumes your life. Coming back to gratitude that past few weeks has been LIFE!!!”